Friday went alright, just to let you know. As you can see...i'm still aliiiive! haha. I should go to bed because tomorro morning's the AP Calculus test. I pray i do well...but it doesn't really matter anymore. Gradewise it doesn't - but i like to do well....

This weekend was quite busy (and yet not at the same time). Mike was doing light crew for St John's spring show so i didn't go out at all really, but lots of family was involved! Katie's 1st communion was on saturday and we parrrtayed afterwards. Always a good time. Oh and i went out with Maria to Uno's for lunch yesterday and ran into her house with my car - yes, you read right. Both the car and the house suffered a small dent *ahem*...it's not so bad....*laughs* i'm such a dork. I'm going to bed, dears, i'll update better later. Au revoir, chickles.

I am preparing myself to fail everything tomorrow except my religion test. Mike Murphy i am sure stole my psych book and i had to read chapter 7 of that for the test tomorrow so i'm screwed with that. Then i'm screwed in band because i left my flute at school and i CANNOT PLAY THE PASSAGES. Screwed screwed screwed.

The storm keeps on twisting, keep on building the lies that you make up for all that you lack

This week has been one filled with realizations of people's true self. Just boom boom boom - little pieces of my naivete go away. I can see through it all now. The falsity, the frivolity, the act...i see the truth. Why do people lie? I hate it a lot of the time. I mean sometimes it's okay...but living a constant lie. There's this girl i met online who i know for sure is lying to me - about everything! Why would she do that? Can't she see i'd like her if she were a boring piece of bark on a tree! I like people generally...until the corrupt themselves and then all they are is a piece of rubbish. I take the lie as an insult to me - they can't trust me to like them. It could be their own insecurity....

Even when i have to Push just to see how far you'll go, you won't stoop down and battle but you'll never turn to go

Don't you love when people talk about people that you love. I've had two days absolutely full of that. It gives me such pride to hear their stories, such joy in knowing them, and makes me love them even more. Makes me smile - even if i don't see them all the time. it's so reassuring to know i made the right decision and i hope to keep making good ones! haha. Stay smart, Sarah.

So cradle your head in your hands and breathe, just breathe

I sent in all of my rejection letters today to the other colleges. Feels good to reject them instead of the other way around. Just the APs left and i can breathe. I'm not too worried. None of them involve heavy duty studying. I hope to God i get at least a 3 on calc and physics though. I really do...i hate failing at anything i've nearly killed myself over (figuratively, dears). Okay....i'm tired. Goodbye! hehe.

Well today was a better day than monday was. I took yesterday off to go visit Smith and Mt Holyoke and it's official...i'm going to Smith. yay. The decision was kind of anti-climactic, though. Now i just feel limp...haha....i've been sucked dry! I'll bounce back with some sleep, time, and looove. I also went out for ice cream last night with maria, mike, and jarrod....quite interesting and a bit reminiscent. I need to clean...badly. Clean my closet, my desk, Ned's room....the rest of my room...unpack...everything! I feel so strung out right now and yet so happy. "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times..." I've been thinking about going pre-med a lot lately...that would be insane though. Lots of work. I like work....i'm just not sure if that would be my thing. I just want to help people...and curing sickness and relieving pain seems like a helluva good way to do it. We'll see...

I'm having a pretty day today. haha. Ever have those days when you're just like "I look really good today...." Does anyone really know if they're pretty though because you can never know how you look to other people. All you can is is your body from looking down...and then your mirror image. You don't really see how you move. That brings me to the point of how you see yourself (your personality as well as your physical nature)....you may attempt to project a certain image of yourself on others but you most likely are not succeeding. It's kind of sad...you could be ugly and have a bad personality and not know it! hahaha. Kidding...none of you who are reading this are i'm sure. You know i love you. A lot of times, before you get to know someone you may think they aren't good looking at all...but after you become friendly with them they are quite beautiful. I love that because in that way everyone can possibly be beautiful to someone and the rest of the world doesn't matter at all. To be cliché..."Beauty is in the eye of the beholder."

You know what i hate in people? Backstabbing. Sorry to jump from such a good subject to such an evil one but it just reminded me of it. It bothers me when people act like they are someone else's friend but then when they aren't around they smash them behind their back. I hate those people...you never really know if they like you or not. Even if you're sitting there listening to their mindless chatter you wonder yourself if these people really like you at all....what an incredibly outright form of hypocrisy. Everyone's a hypocrite sometimes, no one can really help it...but that's blantant and rude. I personally would rather someone tell me they didn't like me then just act like it. Why should i waste my time on these people who really don't care about me? I have plenty of people i do. I hope i keep my good and true friends in college. I'll make the effort at least...i'm willing to make the effort for anything. Are you?

Haha....what a brutal past couple of weeks, but overall fantastic! Last week i went to London and it was aboslutely amaaazing. I'm so glad i went. Yesterdaaaaay....i went on a lovely picnic with mike in purgatory (literally and metaphorically) where we got lost and were late for dinner....haha. My thooughts are in a jumble today if you can't tell. I didn't really have a great day. Everyone at school seems to have given up but i want to keep going! Steady on!! Anyways, i just wanted to let you all know i was alive and semi-sane. Back to regular updating this week. Yippeeee. I love you all to pieces....don't leave me.

It's been a while, eh? I've been on a rollarcoaster. Rough weekend. I don't want to talk about it yet...maybe tomorrow or later....or never. I've been sick all week....or have allergies...i'm not sure yet. It doesn't matter, except for the fact that one of them's contagious. I've started taken my allergy medicine, so we'll see if i start to feel better. Well i don't have that much to say. I went ot an afternoon tea for Smith in worcester today. It got my mind off things and was quite fun...i'll probably go there....i'm visiting when i get back from england. Anyways i'll post more tomorrow....just thought i'd give you the benefit of knowing at least i was alive. Take care...

This has only been the longest week of my entire life. It hasn't been horrible...but i wouldn't want to do it every week. Tonight i went to a lecture on the effects of advertisement on our society and the portrayal of women in this advertisements. It was really quite interesting and quite fun....bnut now i'm exhausted! Before the lecture we (my dad and i) went out to dinner with the lecturer person and some people from dad's work. Lots of people this week.....Sarah's turning into a people person! ahhhh! haha. Kidding...not so much. But it's nice to experience new things. Anyways...i just wanted to check up....and i was a bit bored. So...have a nice friday everyone!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO CELINE! Woop woop! It was a goooorgeous spring day out today. I went for a bikeride...i just can't resist the outdoors on such a wonderful day! I forgot to tell you guys i actually got into some colleges! haha. Thus far i got a yes for Smith, Mount Holyoke, Holy Cross, Fairfield, Stonehill, and Providence College. I got a no on Wellesley...but that's okay...i didn't really want to go there anyways....it just wasn't meant to be! Plus if i had got into wellesley i would've had been in agony to choose between the 3 sister schools....it's bad enough to choose between 2! hehe. *sighs* Well, chickleteers....i better be going... It ain't easy baby, but it's only love....and that's all! ;-)

...this is not a night to die....let me sing and dance beneath the skyyyy. I have such love to giiiive....to giiiive. I want a chance to liiiiive. Liiiiiiiive for the one I looooove.....loooooove as no one has loved....give....aasking nothing in return!

*sighs* I'm on such a Celine kick all of a sudden....a Celine Millenium Concert kick to be specific. She's going to leave us after Vegas, you know. I tried to deny it for a long time...but she says it too much! It's okay now though...i won't die. I've grown so much....i've got other musical tastes - not to say that I don't love her just as much...i've just evolved and grown. We all have i think. I'm kinda stressed out right now. It's been a long week already and it's only tuesday. Tonight i went to this power woman political reception thing. It was fun and quite inspiring.....this woman named Martha Coakley who's running for Attorney General here spoke and she was brilliant and funny. It makes me want to be a powerful woman -- I think i will be one day...or at least i'll try. Women still are not equal in our society and we can't just ignore it. We still get less pay than men and we have less options to choose from. We cannot just sit submissively by and keep letting men choose our destiny. We have to rise to high positions and really make a difference. At the same time though, we must pick and choose our battles. We need to support each other and work together. I'm not talking about a revolution here - just changing the way things happen. I hope someday in my lifetime at least one woman will be president. I'm sure some women have already been presidents with their husbands as a puppet :-P. Haha. Anyways...i'm done with my feminism for now. Here's a quote that's on Shonda's last post that i thought was good...(hoping to redeem myself...)

"Love is ... born with the pleasure of looking at each other, it is fed with the necessity of seeing each other, it is concluded with the impossibility of separation."
- José Martí

Love is so romanticized.....it's almost impossible to live up to the fairy tale. I think sometimes people expect far too much from a relationship, but we're all human. I do it with my own relationship (although it rarely fails me)...you can see it in me i bet. I love Mad About You...and it's no secret that i would LOVE a relationship like that (i can't complain at all because mine is a lot like that). If people base their relationships on sitcoms though...there's a problem.....it's not a real thing. No matter how cliché it is - you really have to search your own heart....oi i'm not making ANY sense at all. haha. I'm leaving now....goodnight chickles.



Then when you find yourself lying helpless in her arms you know you really love a woman

How's life for you? It's going well for me. It's been kind of busy. I've been having days where i just fall into bed at the end of it.....aboslutely dead tired. It's so difficult. In any given day you give and give and give and it's so tiring. You give to your schoolwork, give to your family, give to your friends....and most of all you give a large portion of yourself to your partner - the person you choose to love. Relationships are hard work, and tiring....so why do humans yearn for them and keep them up? Well...i personally think...just because it's worth it. Sure you have to sacrifice part of your life to appease the other person but that's part of the deal. And when you're in a relaitonship the whole point is that you won't feel like what you're giving up is a sacrifice. You're just happy because someone loves you, and cares for you, and would give up a helluva lot for you. The worst thing in a relationship is if you come to doubt that. It eats away and eats away. haha. Not that i would know about this or anything...haha. I certainly don't feel like that now. But doubt and mistrust are just bad bad bad things to have in a relationship. When you think about it...those are the two major reasons people break up....and the fact that they are just not right for each other. haha. This is a weird post. Anyways...the giving is worth it...becuase the old saying is true - you get what you give. And personally, anytime i can make someone's day better...makes me ten times happier anyways. haha. If that makes sense. Happy Easter, my loves.

2am and she calls me cause I'm still awake
Can you help me unravel my latest mistake
I don't love him and winter just wasn't my season.
Yea we walk through the doors so accusing their eyes
Like they have any right at all to criticize
Hypocrites you're all here for the very same reason.

Cause you can't jump the track
We're like cars on a cable and life's like an hourglass glued to the table,
No one can find the rewind button girl
So just cradle your head in your hands.
And breathe, just breathe, whoa breathe just breathe

May he turned 21 on the base of Fort Bliss
Just today he sat down to the flask in his fist
Ain't been sober since maybe October of last year
Here in town you can tell he's been down for while
But my God it's so beautiful when the boy smiles
Wanna hold him but maybe I'll just sing about it

Cause you can't jump the track
We're like cars on a cable
And life's like an hourglass glued to the table,
No one can find the rewind button boys so cradle your head in your hands
And breathe, just breathe, whoa breath just breathe

There's a light at the end of this tunnel you shout cause you're just as far in as you'll ever be out
And these mistakes you've made
You'll just make them again if you'll only try turnin' around

2am and I'm still awake writing this song
If i get it all down on paper it's no lonmger inside of me threatenin' the life it belongs to.
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary screamin' out aloud
And I know that you'll use them however you want to.

But you can't jump the track
We're like cars on a cable
And life's like an hourglass glued to the table,
No one can find the rewind button now
Sing it if you understand...yeah breath
Just breathe, ohho breathe.

-Anna Nalick


Check her out...if you like Sarah McLachlan, Alanis Morissette, Jewel (the singer/songwriter women) you'll probably like her. She's a new artist and her new CD "Wreck of the Day" comes out on April 19. You can check out her official site at www.annanalick.com. I think she has a lot of potential and a lot of room to grow as long as fame doesn't go to her head. If she keeps in touch with the artist inside of her, she could be excellent some day.