Things were quite different back then.  haha.  hmm...

Ah, how thou art so wrong. Sarah the "blog abandonner" was only taking a much needed respite from the blog (and the online) world. She's back though...a bit wiser and a bit different. I figured i'd come back because i finally have something decent to write about...or i should say something that i can write about. For one thing...i LOVE it here at smith. It is the best decision i ever could have made for college. My roomate, Jana, is awesome....everything's going well on that front. The other girls are awesome too! For classes i'm taking Astronomy, French, Logic, and Sociology. Fun fun. Its going to be a lot of work but i'm really really enjoying it. Well i just wanted to let everyone know i'm alive, well, and happy on the whole once again. My life is going as it should....i've got the most wonderful boyfriend ever, great friends, and it's just...good. But i need to go to bed now....got class tomorrow! I'll keep you updated.

Shonda's coming today!!!! We're leaving for the aiport in about half an hour. AHHHH! So much fun.....:-D

I love the time and inbetween
the calm inside me
in the space where I can breathe
I believe there is a distance I have wandered
to touch upon the years of
reaching out and reaching in
holding out, holding in.

I believe
this is heaven to no one else but me
and I'll defend it as long as
I can be left here to linger in silence
if I choose to
would you try to understand?

I know this love is passing time
passing through like liquid
I am drunk in my desire
but I love the way you smile at me
I love the way your hands reach out and
hold me near..

I believe.

I believe
this is heaven to no one else but me
and I'll defend it as long as
I can be left here to linger in silence
if I choose to
would you try to understand?

Oh the quiet child
awaits the day
when she can break free
the mold that clings like desperation.
Mother can't you see I've got to
live my life the way I feel is
right for me
might not be right for you but it's
right for me..

I believe...

I believe
this is heaven to no one else but me
and I'll defend it as long as
I can be left here to linger in silence
if I choose to
would you try to understand?

'Brilliant song, by a brilliant woman. If you don't have it...get Fumbling Towards Ecstacy by Sarah McLachlan...oh man...if you appreciate good music you'll love it. Lyrics and music both are just brilliant!

I'll give you all the cliffnotes of what happened today...quite an eventful day:

+I woke up at about 7:50....had to babysit Danny at 8:30
+Watch Mad About You until 8:15.....then decide to leave since i'm all ready
+Drive by Aunt Helena's house...see an ambulance there...
+Minour freak out....drive past
+Drive back and park on the street....run up the driveway and into the door
+Mrs. Wood's there...she explains the situation to me - Aunt helena can't breathe, feels throat is closing, etc...
+Aunt Helena can't breathe...she needs to go to the hospital...do you mind watching danny for awhile longer than planned?
+Sure
+Stay there and watch Danny until noon when aunt Helena comes home
+Then hang with her to make sure everything's okay...until about 3
+Come home...neighbor kids ask me if i could get their wiffle ball that's in our pool
+Go into the pool area....and see a dead skunk in our pool
+Come out and make them get their own ball...
+Dad gets home half an hour later...gets skunk out
+I refuse to swim for at least the rest of the day....

I honestly thought it was a fake skunk that the neighbors put in their....because they are the evil ones that wrecked our snow man (remember?). But no....it was real....it's entirely possible that they put it in there...but also possible that it just drowned in there...who knows...oi vey. It was a tiring day...but good. :-) Sleep well, my sweets.

Do you ever catch yourself in a reflection and truly see a glimpse of the real you? You can't ever really see yourself; the way you move, talk, gestures, etc. That's for other people to see. Anyways...i saw myself in the door today and i really saw something pretty....just the way i was walking or something. I'm not saying that to be narcisisstic or anything...not at all. I grew up not being one of those "pretty girls"...i mean...my parents always told me i was beautiful but hell...they have to! It's amazing how much our society puts an emphasis on that (i used to think that theory was bull btw) without us even knowing it. I never had self esteem problems, but i never thought i was pretty - i had no reason to. I just think it's sad that little grils, beautiful little girls, have to grow up in this *wonderful* country thinking they're not pretty...and later on...not desirable. Maybe if they thought they were desirable there would be less unwanted pregnancies and less STDs....they wouldn't have to prove anything to anybody. They could know they were beautiful and wouldn't need that to make them feel so.

On the other end of the spectrum, boys growing up don't have it much better. They have their own pressures...they are expected to be tough. Heaven forbid they break into tears or feel an elated emotion. It's just not the norm. A sensitive boy is torn to shreds in school (my brother being an example of one who went through that). Eventually when these boys grow up they've suppressed so much that they almost don't feel anymore. Now i'm not a male, so i really don't know that much about this because i've never actually felt it. This suppression can affect these men in a number of different ways... 1- they can't channel their pain anywhere else so they end up being a druggie or an alcoholic, 2- their lovely women end up thinking they're cold because they just don't seem to feel some essential feelings, 3- they have a major mental breakdown or midlife crisis....because they didn't listen to their feelings earlier. It's just an evil evil thing. I'm going to do something to make a difference....i'll figure it out this summer...

She's back.....fasten your seatbelts....

I can't even begin to tell you all that's happened since i last updated. Yes - i did fall off the face of the earth, but i'm working on climbing my way back up the cliffs. Just give me a little time. I have pneumonia - hence my never being online. I'm just so out of it. But i'm getting better...almost there. Let's seeee....on thursday i graduated. I don't know if i like it so much yet...we'll see. I feel kind of stuck right now and i really don't know what to do about that. I just need to clean a whole lot. haha. I almost feel like right now i've lost a lot of my important friends....i need to get back! This past month i've been out flat...graduation took a toll...but please just be patient with me....please. I've gotta go...i'll update later...i have lots and lots of pictures for yall.

Well, well, well....how are we all doing? I'm alright. Sorry i've been gone so long...i've been sick for the past couple weeks and hardly online. Oh man did i miss it and get so incredibly far behind! I don't even remember what happened in the past couple of weeks so i'll just retell this weekend. Saturday was an exciting day...i went for a walk in tri-river with Mike (i ripped him out of his precious bed to spend some time with me...heaven forbid)...it was a nice start to the day. Then we came back and relaxed for a bit (for we both had insane weekends ahead). Then we went searching for a glowstick for my Sarah concert and failed miserably. Then Mike left....and i got ready for my concert and he came back bearing gifts.....a glowstick! yay! Then i headed off to the concert with aunt mae. It was AWESOME! We had front row seats all the way to the left...so Sarah sang Blackbird and Time right in front of us! She looked fabulous and i want her shirt. haha. There were a couple changes to the show: she took out Ice :-( but added Solsbury Hill and Time. The song Time and her introduction to it really made me think about my relationships and how lucky i really am...that i'm not stuck in that arguing cycle....where no one wins. The whole show was amazing...Sarah's an amazing performer and she was right in front of me! aahhhh! Fantastical. Aunt Mae was great for coming with me (long story about that)...i think she had fun. Also taking place saturday night was my brother's 16th birthday party...which my parents stole Mike to DJ. hehe. So we both got home late that night....

Late to bed, early to rise! The next day (sunday) was Mike's graduation. That was quite exciting. We had to leave at 8:00ish for it and it was 3 hours long. It wasn't too bad and i was happy to be there. After that we all went out to eat at Hemenway's where we enjoyed quite a nice meal. Then we came home and tied up some stuff....:-). It was an excellent day (that is a wicked cliffnoted version).

Today i took my last final ever - band. It was quite easy and unless i got a 0 on my essay (which i didn't) ...i got a very good grade on it.

Anyways...the next few days are looking like this for me:

Wednesday- 2:00 band rehearsal
Thursday- 9AM graduation rehearsal
Thursday- 6PM senior banquet
Friday- leave for band competition/trip at 6AM (we go to boston and then over to NY)
Saturday- come home
Sunday- Maria's grad party
Monday- MEMORIAL DAY!! haha. yippeee...my favourite day.

Busy busy...i'll update along the way. Toodles...

What a wonderful weekend....

Friday night was prom. I went with Mike of course and it was an absolutely fabulous and simply spectacular night. It went by so quickly! The music wasn't that great apparently...but i never like music at dances so i didn't mind much. haha...i just like to dance! Afterwards Maria, Tim, Michelle, Joel (her date), and Mike came over and we had tea and played precisely one round of pictionary before maria and tim quit (mike and i were winning anyways, so no biggie ;-)). Then Michelle and Joel left and the four of us were left and we sat and ate and talked. Then we went outside to sleep...out of the warmth...in a tent...in the rain and cold. haha. Brilliant idea. I probably only slept for 2 hours or so...poor Mike slept even less. But it was fun and i wouldn't change any aspect of that night (except for maybe my date..........;-)......kidding!) *ahem* I'll post some pictures maybe later.

Yesterday i went to the 1st communion party for the twins, came home, went to church, and then Mike came over and we watched Garden State and had Harry's pizza. Wonderful night...simply wonderful. Garden State was an odd movie...but not bad. I wouldn't shoot myself if i had to see it again.

And today...is mother's day of course. I made breakfast for mom and grandma and then uncle thom came with his kids...and then aunt mae...haha. Everyone loves us! For the rest of the day i studied physics a bit and watched a couple episodes of Mad About You. The weather sucked this weekend. Oh well.

And by the way...my last post was because of the calculus exam. I was going to write "I want to die" alone but i figured you all would think i was suicidal and i really wasn't whatsoever. The AP English test was okay and tomorrow is AP Physics....a bit nervous about that one but i think i'll be okay as long as i just think. I better go...nearly bedtime. Au revoir.

That was horrible. I want to die.